tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60172555082255959432023-11-15T17:11:13.767+00:00The Musings of Musings 09Over the years I have had to find my own way of dealing with the consequences of viral encephalitis. To write a chronological account is impossible. Instead I have decided to share my ways of handling the problems of acquired brain injury. Whether they are helpful or not I cannot say but everything I blog will be things I wish I had been told at the beginning. As the most recent post is shown first, I request that you go back to the very first and work your way forwards.Musings09http://www.blogger.com/profile/14577503613612866098noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6017255508225595943.post-62149632925079580812013-05-13T19:13:00.000+01:002013-05-13T21:43:40.091+01:00Out with the Old and In with the New<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: navy;">For the past
6-9 months I’ve known things weren’t right yet been unable to pinpoint what’s
wrong. This feeling has been bubbling along beneath the conscious level.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: navy;">Gradually I
realised what the problem was but was unable or unwilling to admit it.
The framework that I have used to run my life since I began to develop it some
dozen years ago, that I have invested so much effort and energy in so that I
could maximise my life safely was no longer sustaining me. Such an
overwhelming sense of loss and fear was too painful to acknowledge and hence
left unaddressed.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: navy;">Fortunately
this realisation coincided with a periodic appointment with my
consultant. In the freedom of this time when I don’t have to cope and can
actually say that I’m struggling I was able to let go and admit the extent to
which I was floundering.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: navy;">As with
everything I need a way in to get my mind round things and this my consultant
gave me. Having to alter the pattern of one’s life is normal, the causes
may be different but the need to alter is not. This gave me the
‘permission’ I needed to scrap what has been my life saver and go back to the
drawing board. However I was returning with knowledge gained from the
experience of the last portion of my life.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: navy;">Breaking things
down into smaller and smaller areas is essential to be able to identify the
smaller targets that can be achieved more easily. With these targets in
place the whole framework will, I hope, be rebuilt securely to support me as I
move on.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: navy;">And this is how
I’ve started. Those things that haven’t been working can be split into
two, the external and the internal, in order to spot the weaknesses.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: navy;">The external –
well that’s the stuff that doesn’t start with me but even so does have a direct
impact on me. Of those extra demands some are temporary, others are
permanent but will I be able to tell which is which?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: navy;">Since I can’t
control these, I can’t create a totally protective framework. At last
I’ve learnt this. What I can do is assess how much of my mental stamina
and strength is needed for those permanent demands. Next is to guess what
spare capacity I need to enable me to cope with temporary needs. In the past I
didn’t consider this. I set up routines that required too much of me so
when the irregular or unexpected occurred I wasn’t able to cope thus pushing me
down. Am I going to get this assessment right first time? Well no,
as always trial and error come into play. However through knowing and
acknowledging this I still retain control even when I make a right mess of
things.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: navy;">That there are
going to have to be changes to my routine is unavoidable. I simply cannot
continue with all the things I have worked so very hard to incorporate into my
life, things that I still want to do. But there is no alternative and
being in an unwanted position is an experience that would have occurred even if
I’d never been ill so for once I can apply the word ‘normal’ to myself.
How strange!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: navy;">The internal is
stuff that emanates from me. Over the last 30 years I’ve learned a huge
amount about how my brain works and it’s an erratic little machine that in the
flick of a switch varies from the extremely high powered to one that in the
time it takes to stand up has forgotten what it stood up to do. Through
analysing and experimenting I’ve enabled myself to do more than is/was
expected. I’ve found ways to manage the limitations I have and the
tendencies to overdo things when I’m most able so that I don’t pursue them to
such an extent that I collapse.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: navy;">Yet for all
this I’ve found myself coping less and less well. Proven abilities have
been letting me down. I’ve tried again and again, making myself more and
more unhappy. How much of this deterioration is due to me and how much is
it the consequence of having to handle these extra demands? Once I
wouldn’t have known what to say but today I’m pretty confident that it is the
latter. I don’t consider that I am the fault but rather that I have
failed to identify and address the problems caused be external factors leading
to a very damaging cumulative effect. I’d been trying to maintain my old
routines whilst incorporating more things into it. As always happens when
I get to a certain point of exhausting my mental capacity I go to pieces and
then have to deal with that too.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: navy;">So I’m now
faced with three drawing boards or rather three heaps of post-its and scraps of
paper. To the left are the daily and weekly lists that I’ve used pretty
successfully in the past but lately have been a bit of a blur. Do I need
to do everything listed on them? Have I omitted things? What needs
to be added? Shall I start with the basic basics and then add tasks onto
them so I gradually build up to the all singing all dancing version?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: navy;">In the middle I’ve
listed the existing, regular commitments I’m able to retain alongside the newer
things I need to build into my life. Where is there flexibility? Am
I spacing things out enough? Am I allowing for the irregular stuff?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: navy;">Reminders of
the things I know so well but regularly forget or don’t want to heed, notable
the phrases “Oh it’ll be okay this time” and “I’ve just got time” are on the
right. It doesn’t matter how much time I put into managing the other two
boards if I sabotage them by mismanaging this group.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: navy;">I reckon it’ll
take a couple of months to get this really sorted out but if it helps for a few
years that’s nothing. Oh yes have I answered any of the drawing board questions
yet? Not exactly. Well not really. Okay not at all. But am I chuffed
at having worked out what the questions are. Most definitely.</span></span></div>
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<![endif]-->Musings09http://www.blogger.com/profile/14577503613612866098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6017255508225595943.post-41369583110741765302012-07-02T19:11:00.002+01:002013-05-13T21:14:00.489+01:00Light at the End of the Tunnel?<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Hmm I have my doubts at the helpfulness and accuracy of this little cliche as it focuses on the end with no regard for the present.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">As I recovered from encephalitis I edged nearer to this light. With no guidance available to me I assumed I would recover all the abilities that I had so taken for granted before this illness. Given this ignorance I felt it was worth fixating on this light that tantalisingly dangled out of my reach. Pushing just myself just that little bit more and a bit more and a bit more seeing every target as something to be reached no matter what the light moved from being an encouraging carrot to a cudgel that had to be toiled under in fear of failing to reach that next stage. The stress and self-criticism this caused fed a guilt downward spiral that needed no such help.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Chasing this end meant that I didn't keep an eye on my current surroundings. I didn't spot the pebbles and stones that I twisted my ankle on, the rocks that sent me sprawling grazing my legs nor the bloody great holes that I'd fall into and then struggle to climb out of, sometimes with broken limbs. In other words I was creating so many problems for myself by not knowing I was over reaching, setting unrealistic targets and placing myself in a position that may have had positives but also considerable negatives.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Of course I made great strides and ticked milestones off my list that were believed to be beyond me. I won't deny this and I'm proud of it too but I cannot emphasise enough how many regrets I have from obsessing with achieving what I believed I would have done had I not been ill. For me this was the light at the end of the tunnel. At this point it would be remiss of me not to acknowledge that, given my character, even if I had been told I would have to revise my expectation I would have refused to do so and bloody mindedly ploughed on. I do believe though I would have begun to accept my limitations many years before I did.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">With the benefit of hindsight I wished I had adopted the attitude to life that I have now. I'm never going to reach the light at the end of my tunnel. I've stopped trying. This is not a negative outlook. Far from it. Along my tunnel are flaming torches lighting my way. Yes there may be the odd dark patch when a torch has gone out but by and large I can see where I am going. I can see those pitfalls and adjust my stride, stepping over stones, creeping carefully round holes and making the most of it where there is a free path.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So, for me, henceforth I have a lit tunnel that allows me to see my present and near future rather than a tunnel with a lit, unobtainable end. Realising this has not been limiting but rather enabling and liberating.</span></span></span>Musings09http://www.blogger.com/profile/14577503613612866098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6017255508225595943.post-79698745172196919982012-02-26T17:31:00.000+00:002013-05-13T19:43:33.777+01:00Happy Baking<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">In an attempt to get me going again after spending in time in hospital post O-Levels I spent a term at cookery school. Although finding it immensely difficulty socially and getting rather confused and lost almost every day I did come away with an ability to cook albeit slowly & occasional strop. What I have discovered is that baking relaxes me. Indeed there are times when I know I need to bake sub consciously even though I don't feel particularly bad on the surface. </span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">This certainly improves relations with the neighbours as I end up baking more than we can eat.</span><br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So I've decided every now and again to post one of my favourite recipes. Every recipe I post is one that I have given to others and has been followed successfully by them.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b>HEALTHY CAKE OR CHUCK, CHOP, CHUCK CAKE</b></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">1.2kg fruit - this should give you a good kilo after peeling, coring and stoning the fruit. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span style="text-indent: 0cm;">I usually use apples, pears and dates.</span><span style="text-indent: 0cm;"> </span><span style="text-indent: 0cm;">However in the summer/autumn I’ll use apples and whatever is relatively cheap on the market plums, peaches, nectarines, apricots, raspberries, blackberries or blueberries.</span><span style="text-indent: 0cm;"> The choice is yours.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 93.5pt; text-indent: -93.5pt;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">225g butter - preferably unsalted<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 93.5pt; text-indent: -93.5pt;">
<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">250g castor sugar<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">5 eggs<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">275g plain flour sifted with ½ tsp of
salt.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">You will need either a 9"/20cm tin or 2 1lb loaf tins. Either butter and flour them or </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">use greaseproof liners</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-size: small;"><o:p><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Method </span></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-align: left; text-indent: -18pt;">Preheat
oven to gas mark 3, 160ºC, 325ºF.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-align: left; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-align: left; text-indent: -18pt;">Put
baking sheet in.</span></span></div>
<ol>
<li style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;">Cream
the butter then beat in the sugar well.</span></span></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;">Add
the eggs one at a time beating well until it is a light cream. Add a desertspoon of flour with each egg.</span></span></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;">Stir
in the sifted flour and salt with a wooden spoon.</span></span></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-size: small;"><st1:state style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS',sans-serif; text-indent: -18pt;" w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Wash</st1:place></st1:state><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-indent: -18pt;">, peel, core as appropriate the
fruit you've chosen.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-indent: -18pt;">Cut the fruit, with the exception
of one apple (2 if very small) and some dates into largish chunks.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-indent: -18pt;">Fold carefully into the cake mixture.</span></span></span></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;">Pour
the mixture into a buttered and floured 20cm/9” tin or 2 1lb loaf tins.</span></span></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;">Peel,
core and slice the remaining apple into rings and press down lightly onto the cake
top.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;">Halve the dates and add to the top. If using loaf tins you will need to cut the apple rings in half/</span></span></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;">Put
in the oven on the baking tin and bake for 1¾ - 2 hours.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;">Check after about 1½ hours.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;">If it’s getting a bit brown cover with
foil.</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;">Will be firm to touch when it’s
ready.</span></span></li>
<li style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small; text-indent: -18pt;">Leave to cool in the tins for 5 minutes before removing and leaving on cooling racks.</span></span></li>
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and will freeze.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">By the way I call it a healthy cake because of all the fruit that goes in it!</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Happy Baking</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: small;">Oh yes I should say that I was prompted to post this by Richard Worth's posting of his very successful loaves today.</span></span></div>
Musings09http://www.blogger.com/profile/14577503613612866098noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6017255508225595943.post-51182594430730091692012-02-09T18:08:00.001+00:002012-02-09T18:08:23.537+00:00Stuck in Traffic<span style="color: #3d85c6;">I reckon there are three types of drivers when it comes to traffic jams.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">Firstly there is the deluded driver who believes that by huffing and puffing, letting everyone know their annoyance at the delay and continually checking the time, they will speed up the dispersal of the cars. In truth all they are doing is unsettling their mood that may affect their judgement for the rest of the journey if not the whole day.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">Secondly there is the fretter, the 'if only' driver who reproaches themself for not taking the alternative route, getting off one junction earlier, checking for roadworks before leaving or failing to begin their journey earlier. Well it's true things may have been different if another option had been taken but not necessarily better. I'm sure I'm not the only person who has turned off at the sight of a long traffic jam only to join another one created by drivers with a similar idea. If the fretter had left earlier they may simply have ended up closer to the front of the traffic jam and, God forbid, possibly involved in it. All that can be said for certain is that guilt and worry will have been provoked and that is not a healthy state of mind to be in.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">Thirdly there is the driver for whom light has dawned - there is nothing they can do that will make the traffic jam disappear. This driver realises the opportunity to take alternative routes or leaving earlier has gone and that there is nothing to be gained from brooding on this fact apart of course from a brief assessment of what has happened for future reference. What can be done is leave the radio on for traffic alerts so the driver stays up-to-date, to relax a bit, chat to passengers, take charge by replanning the day and being ready to move ahead when it is possible.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">What character is most likely to drive on most safely and in the the best mood for the rest of the day? </span><br />
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">Well dealing with the consequences of Encephalitis is a bit like that. This is a very simplified approach I admit but it is based on my own experience of now 27 years living with acquired brain injury and depression.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">It is immensely frustrating not being able to do what been as easy as breathing. The desire to be able to do it <strong>NOW </strong>is overwhelming. Even when the ability has been relearned, remembered, recovered the stamina to do it as much or as long as you want is missing. Then you simply shift the frustration to why can't I do it so easily or for as long.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">Well in case you've forgotten, which you won't, the poor old brain and body has been through quite a lot. Forcing it to 'travel' at a pace that is beyond if just risks complete exhaustion and pulling you back down.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">Equally fretting about and worrying that you are not following the route through life you had planned won't change the fact that you've had encephalitis in one form or another. It won't contribute anything positive as to how you move forward. Continually reflecting on it will give you a degree in resentment and/or guilt. I try very hard not to 'what if' as 'what if' didn't happen nor will it happen. This does require discipline, is not always successful but on the whole caging these thoughts so they don't pollute me is worthwhile.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">Then there is the third driver of life. Someone who acknowledges that things have happened in both the longer and more recent past, someone who listens for guidance as to what has happened in the past and is happening in the present and who seeks to put themself in the best position to move forward with their life. As the traffic jam moves be it by a couple of yards, a hundred yards or even reaches second gear it is always moving forward. One only reverses to let emergency vehicle through before regaining that distance.</span><br />
<br />Musings09http://www.blogger.com/profile/14577503613612866098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6017255508225595943.post-26121089052043693812011-12-31T21:09:00.000+00:002012-01-01T23:20:27.828+00:00Two feet forward, how many back? Or should that be Jay Walking?<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: small;">As I haven't quite worked out how to copy across some clipart I'll just have to explain my chain of Js. I really wanted the point where the horizontal bar meets the upright of the J to be the left most point of the next J going up so that if you toppled off the right part of the horizontal bar you'd fall into the loop of the next J and not down to the bottom. Hope this makes sense as if it doesn't there's no point in reading on!</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">Recovering can be a risky time – just like jay walking across a busy road.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">As I get better I try to do more, as I try to stretch myself I often fall back a bit. As I am spreading my resources further things that had previously been easier can be harder. But only temporarily, falling down forward into the bottom of the new ‘J’ and not back down into the bottom of the previous one. And then I climb a steep learning curve. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">I reach a plateau period when I’ve found I can do the new ‘thing’ with some confidence. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">And after a rest period I begin all over again. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';">I found out that maximum recovery does not equal full recovery. I have discovered that pushing onwards and upwards and onwards and upwards can result in falling down with a thump and bruising confidence severely. Recognising and accepting this has been liberating. I'm in a position I didn't think I would be even 5 years ago. By not trying to start another J I can scamper along the top of my J and back again in real safety. Okay when I say scamper that I implies an energy and speed that I don't actually possess. Perhaps saunter would be more accurate.</span></div>Musings09http://www.blogger.com/profile/14577503613612866098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6017255508225595943.post-82126713392844420722011-12-14T15:07:00.000+00:002013-05-13T21:28:31.674+01:00Stage 5 - 7 Explore - Consolidate<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Tahoma;"> 5 </span></b><b><span style="color: blue;">EXPLORE</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">Moving forward means working out what can be done. This can range from day-to-day needs through to the irregular, from domestic to work to leisure. Trial and error comes to the fore.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">I can do quite a lot of things on an individual basis. Discovering that I need to consider the cumulative effect of these individual actions was rather painful and led to the many and sometimes long bout of tears as I collapsed again and again exhausted. <b>EXPLORING</b> what can be done safely, perhaps from having to do things close together due to external factors, has led to a less traumatic life although it really is boring being sensible. So spacing out activities is crucial to maximising life.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: blue;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b> 6</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></b><b><span style="color: blue;">LEARN</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">I remember some things some of the time, occasionally I remember everything and some days I completely give up on remembering anything. Basing my life on the maximum point of my executive functions and mental energy was a disaster. Expecting that one day I would be like this all day, everyday ended up being mentally, physically and emotionally crippling. Identifying realistic targets and ambitions and allowing myself to enjoy exceeding them would have been much more helpful, healthy and sustainable. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">So I base my routine on I can’t remember. I have charts for the day, for the week and a calendar. I tick off as I go along. I can go days or occasionally weeks with scarcely using it except for the odd glance. But on those days when I really, really need these charts, it’s not a big thing they are there waiting to be used and I don’t have to waste precious mental energy on remembering the basics.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">Often I have stumbled across ways of coping although I prefer to think of them as my <place w:st="on"><city w:st="on">Eureka</city></place> moments. Supermarkets have bewildered me they are noisy, bright, full of people and require decisions. It’s all very well saying make a list of what you need but you have to remember to take it and once at the supermarket remember you’ve got it. One day I found myself gripping the trolley so tightly it acted as a focus for me almost a security blanket against the hustle and bustle. So now when ever I go I make a point of gripping the trolley and using it as a stability point. It works. I know it does as sometimes I forget to. I find deciding what to wear incredibly difficult. Getting dressed regularly took hours. One day and I don’t know why I rearranged my clothes by colour, so jumpers and t-shirts are muddled together now rather than separate. Since then I have severe difficulties a few times a month rather than a few times a week.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">I had to reconcile the fact I hate being touched with belonging to a tactile, loving extended family. Over time I realised that if I went to hug a relation I coped better than if someone came and caught me unawares. I eventually managed to tell the family and so we all <b>LEARNT</b> that I initiate hugs. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">You could say I’m just playing with words or gestures but I’d rather say I’m <b>LEARNING</b> what are the most effective ways for me to manage my life.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: blue;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b> 7</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span"> </span></span></b><b><span style="color: blue;">CONSOLIDATE</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">I have met people who are fascinated by their illness, love talking about it and frankly enjoy it. Yet they never seem to put into place the changes they recognise they need. You could say accuse me of navel gazing but I say I analyse to improve. What I might discover whilst doing one task might be equally applicable to another. Understanding what I find difficult in a given situation has allowed me to understand the impact of acquired brain injury.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: blue;">CONSOLIDATING</span></b><span style="color: blue;"> is not the end of the process. As I’ve learnt new things and taken on different challenges I’ve found it hard to allocate mental energy or handle the extra demands I want to take on. However because I have <b>CONSOLIDATED</b> what I have learnt I know that by referring back to my 7 Steps I usually find a way to incorporate these into my life or indeed as a result of my <b>ACCEPTANCE, UNDERSTANDING, COMPREHENSION, GRIEVING, LEARNING AND CONSOLIDATION</b> that I have to stop doing this task to maintain what has already been achieved. I may not enjoy having to stop actually I hate it but I know I have not lost control because I am choosing to recognise what I can’t do. </span></span></div>
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Musings09http://www.blogger.com/profile/14577503613612866098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6017255508225595943.post-90037533143761506312011-12-14T15:05:00.000+00:002013-05-13T21:28:49.887+01:00Grieve - Stage 4<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma; mso-fareast-font-family: Tahoma;"> 4 </span></b><b><span style="color: blue;">GRIEVE</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">Mourning is a healing process. You are allowed to miss the person who has died and also to wonder what your own life will be like without them and what it would be like if they were still here. There will be triggers, photos, birthdays, anniversaries, a football team winning the FA Cup, which will bring your loss back to the front of your mind. This might be a momentary flicker or leave you surrounded by tissues. Society allows this, even recognises as healthy.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">I underwent significant changes in personality, ability and expectation for life. For a long time I expected I would return to Me Version 1 but this hasn’t happened. I do get frequent glimpses of this person but for the most part they are completely lost to me. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I still feel this loss even now. I really don’t know who I am. However since it occurred to me to treat the disappearance of Me Version 1 as a bereavement I have found it much easier. I can <b>GRIEVE </b>for those parts of me without reproaching myself for self-pity yet can move forward as I’m not hanging around waiting for them to return. </span></span></div>
Musings09http://www.blogger.com/profile/14577503613612866098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6017255508225595943.post-25101736159556130742011-12-14T15:02:00.000+00:002013-05-13T21:29:27.703+01:00Stages 1 - 3 Acceptance to Comprehend<br />
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<b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">1<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span></b><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: blue;">ACCEPTANCE<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">Having encephalitis wasn’t much fun. There was no real reason as to why the fairly
common virus decided to visit my brain. I didn’t do anything to provoke it. I
wasn’t a bad teenager. It wasn’t fair that I succumbed to the illness. It wasn’t fair that no-one could tell my poor
parents what was going on for months and that initially they were given incorrect
information and advice.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">The recovery wasn’t a bundle of laughs either for any of us. So little help and support meant we were
making it up as we went along.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">Feeling in the dark and uncertain as to what I could expect from
myself, indulging in a pity of self pity and wanting to solve issues NOW has
recurred periodically. Over time I have
realised that in attempting to identify and deal with the issues that I have
had, both old and new ones, is too much in one go. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">From this experience I have decided that the first stage is <b>ACCEPTANCE</b> that I have had encephalitis,
that I have acquired brain injury and that this interferes with my life. It’s
hard to view this as a standalone position.
It’s hard not to ask why me but that isn’t constructive. You’re asking
yourself a question that has no answer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">So I attempt to keep myself focused on simply <b>ACCEPTING</b> the situation exists and not seeking to address
everything in one go. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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</span></span></b><b><span style="color: blue;">UNDERSTAND<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">Seeking the answers to the inevitable
questions of why has this happened is difficult. There are so many questions it is confusing,
particularly as it can be hard to work out which should be the first question
to answer and where does one question end and the next one begin. What are the short term changes, what are the
long term consequences; education, careers, relationship and finances at the
very least.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">As much as you want to know straight
away, it’s just not going to happen.
Realising that is the case is an immense help. <b>UNDERSTANDING</b>
that there are many facets of your life that will be affected to varying
degrees, that it will take time to return to functioning more fully and that
trial and error will be involved is the next step.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: blue;">3<span style="-moz-font-feature-settings: normal; -moz-font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></b><b><span style="color: blue;">COMPREHEND<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Working out what any changes are, realising these changes may
alter from the short to the longer term of their own accord, spotting the
little things you’ve done without realising (for example I found myself using a
finger to trace the words on a page like a small child which was a big step
forward as it meant I had found a way into being able to read with less stress and
suddenly realised one day that I was doing this less and less) and being aware
of energy levels, both mental and physical, and that they will need to be
managed on an on-going basis. </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Musings09http://www.blogger.com/profile/14577503613612866098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6017255508225595943.post-23507854862125441902011-12-13T14:49:00.000+00:002011-12-13T14:50:04.032+00:00Seven Stages of Managing<br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">I can’t say I
had no help in coping. I saw a quite
well known, although rather eccentric, cognitive behavioural therapist who was
helpful. Mind you, you do lose faith in
someone when they say they don’t think this will work in your case! Looking back I think I must have taken this
as a challenge as I certainly have incorporated my take on CBT into my life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">From what I
learnt through successes, failures, bloody-mindedness, despair and enjoyment of
things I probably would not have experienced had I not been ill, I began to
recognise patterns recurring. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">I also realised
that splitting down tasks into component parts and that each part should be
seen as an individual action. For
example people say they are going to write a list of things they need to do
that day as if this is a single task. It
isn’t. To write a list requires<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">1<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">finding
a pen<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">2<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">finding
some paper<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">3<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">remembering
why you have the pen and paper<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">4<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">establishing
what is to go on the list<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">5<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">grouping
tasks together eg in the house, outside, shopping etc<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">6<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">prioritising
what has to be done first<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">7<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">compiling
the list<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">8<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">remembering
where the list is or simply that it exists.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">There are days
when I zoom through to number 8 in my head but others when I can only do bit by
bit. Thank goodness for post-it
notes. I use these to write single items
on and then rearrange them on a door until it makes sense. Recognising that I don’t have to dash off my
to do list in five minutes but rather that I can go so far and then have a
break has been so enabling. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">Since working
this out the number of tantrums and tears has diminished greatly albeit the
frustration remains.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">From this navel
gazing over many years I have identified seven stages. By adhering to them I have been so enabled to
increase what I can do comfortably on a daily basis. Although to be frank there are times when
either forget or deliberately ignore them.
You can’t be sensible all the time.
These stages are:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">1<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">Accept<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">2<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">Understand<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">3<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">Comprehend<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">4<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">Grieve<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">5<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">Explore<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">6<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">Learn<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">7<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';">
</span></span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">Consolidate<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">I shall flesh out what I mean by these stages over the next couple of postings.</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;"><br /></span></div>Musings09http://www.blogger.com/profile/14577503613612866098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6017255508225595943.post-27988736204421888612011-12-11T17:37:00.000+00:002013-05-13T21:29:42.099+01:00A Bit of Background<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">Things often come in sevens; seven days of the week, seven deadly sins, seven Heavenly virtues.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">And to these I add my own group of seven.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">To understand how I came to these let me give a brief explanation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">I had viral encephalitis when I was fourteen. I didn’t have to be hospitalised as by the time it was diagnosed I was through the key stage. The quiet atmosphere of my home was felt to be enough. I did though need seven months off school before returning part time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">My parents were given one bit of advice. It was lucky I had survived at all but it would take me a bit of time to get going again. That was it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">I was aware as soon as I started school again that things were not right. This former prolific reader struggle to read a paragraph, this decisive girl no longer felt she knew what she was doing and her considerable concentration had disappeared. Despite having the most supportive of classmates she never felt integrated but very detached. Knowing how worried my parents had been and continued to be about me and that my father was seriously ill I didn’t tell them. Partly I don’t think I could articulate it but also I didn’t want to believe these problems existed. I think we’ve all been in the position of if I don’t talk about it, it will go away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">About six months after I returned to school my father died. A few months later my father’s mother died. The following month I sat my O-Levels. I just had to cope. Somehow I got through it, but without the results I would have got had I not been ill, aided by a sense of logic I retained.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">This proved to be a delay. By the autumn I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression something rather uncommon in the mid 1980s. This is something that has lived with me ever since. Now a lot of the problems I had relating to impaired executive functions can be a by-product of depression eg concentration difficulties. The view that was taken was that the more the depression could be controlled the more likely I was to recover my former abilities. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">I thought this view was the carrot of the carrot and stick, the harder I worked, the more I persevered, the closer I would come to the real me. It turned out I was wrong. I continued to be erratic. Sometimes I could work incredibly intently and with great detail. I would then get up to leave the office for some purpose and by the time I was at the door have no idea whatsoever why I was standing here. It was as if someone was switching a light switch on and off at random and often with great frequency. I simply couldn’t understand why this happened, I just hoped it would decrease over time and then life would be so much easier with a whole brain rather than a faulty one. Therefore it was worthwhile pushing myself to the point of exhaustion. This viewpoint provided ample opportunity for self reproach, guilt and failure. I was always chasing something I couldn’t achieve. That isn’t to say that I don’t recognise what I have achieved but simply the effort I put in to attain them was too great. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">Somehow I just had to find ways of coping.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">Eighteen years after succumbing to viral encephalitis I saw a neuropsychiatrist. He asked me questions about my abilities that no-one had ever asked me before and the tears started to flow as for the first time I felt someone understood. He sent me to a neuropsychologist for a series of tests. It was absolutely exhausting. Without being able to use the coping strategies I have developed over the years to work round problems and conceal problems it became clear that I had acquired brain injury. It was the first time I had heard this term. The weight came off my shoulders as it was explained me that the reason I couldn’t understand time, concentrate, remember properly, prioritise etc was due to this injury and not because I was a lazy, bad person. I was inundated with flashbacks to situations where I had behaved in a manner I couldn’t understand. Light dawned. I still get such flashbacks most days.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">However this was offset by the realisation that the person I felt I would have been had I not been ill, who I regularly had glimpses of and who I had fought hard to be would never exist. I felt I didn’t know who I really was.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma;">It was a couple of years or so after this that I found the Encephalitis Society website. I sat scrolling through it with tears pouring down my face. There were people who understood and wouldn’t judge. The Society also gave me a chance to help through taking part in several research projects. The thought that I may be able to help others suffering or recovering from Encephalitis is very important.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 12pt;">As I have said in my previous post all opinions are mine and not attributable to any organisation nor person.</span>Musings09http://www.blogger.com/profile/14577503613612866098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6017255508225595943.post-68921593398105136162011-12-10T18:36:00.000+00:002011-12-10T18:36:28.637+00:00To My Amazement<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have actually managed to create a blog, even tweaked the design and made an attempt at reading through the how to sections. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And why have I done so? Well I am only couple of years away from my 30th anniversary of succumbing to Viral Encephalitis. I had no help in working out what the extent of the illness was nor how to deal with it. Trial and error over these years together with a strong sense of logic has enabled me to identify ways and means of dealing with what life throws up. I wish I could say I had quick fixes but I don't. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's been suggested to me many times by doctors as well as friends that I try and write a book. I find the thought of this quite daunting but thought I would try a blog instead.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Whatever I write will be purely my views based on my own experiences and what had and hasn't worked for me. It may contradict with the experiences of those who read it and may strongly disagree with my views. If this is so then I simply remind them that I can only write what I know is true to me. Hopefully though it may help others. I know that I wish there had been someone to explain to me issues that took me years to work out for myself.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I anticipate posting quite a bit over the next few days - don't expect that work rate to continue hereafter.</span><br />
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</span>Musings09http://www.blogger.com/profile/14577503613612866098noreply@blogger.com0