Wednesday 14 December 2011

Stage 5 - 7 Explore - Consolidate


        5           EXPLORE

Moving forward means working out what can be done.  This can range from day-to-day needs through to the irregular, from domestic to work to leisure.  Trial and error comes to the fore.

I can do quite a lot of things on an individual basis.  Discovering that I need to consider the cumulative effect of these individual actions was rather painful and led to the many and sometimes long bout of tears as I collapsed again and again exhausted.  EXPLORING what can be done safely, perhaps from having to do things close together due to external factors, has led to a less traumatic life although it really is boring being sensible.  So spacing out activities is crucial to maximising life.

       6           LEARN

I remember some things some of the time, occasionally I remember everything and some days I completely give up on remembering anything.  Basing my life on the maximum point of my executive functions and mental energy was a disaster.  Expecting that one day I would be like this all day, everyday ended up being mentally, physically and emotionally crippling.  Identifying realistic targets and ambitions and allowing myself to enjoy exceeding them would have been much more helpful, healthy and sustainable.

So I base my routine on I can’t remember.  I have charts for the day, for the week and a calendar.  I tick off as I go along.  I can go days or occasionally weeks with scarcely using it except for the odd glance.  But on those days when I really, really need these charts, it’s not a big thing they are there waiting to be used and I don’t have to waste precious mental energy on remembering the basics.

Often I have stumbled across ways of coping although I prefer to think of them as my Eureka moments.  Supermarkets have bewildered me they are noisy, bright, full of people and require decisions.  It’s all very well saying make a list of what you need but you have to remember to take it and once at the supermarket remember you’ve got it.  One day I found myself gripping the trolley so tightly it acted as a focus for me almost a security blanket against the hustle and bustle.  So now when ever I go I make a point of gripping the trolley and using it as a stability point.  It works.  I know it does as sometimes I forget to.  I find deciding what to wear incredibly difficult.  Getting dressed regularly took hours.  One day and I don’t know why I rearranged my clothes by colour, so jumpers and t-shirts are muddled together now rather than separate.  Since then I have severe difficulties a few times a month rather than a few times a week.

I had to reconcile the fact I hate being touched with belonging to a tactile, loving extended family.  Over time I realised that if I went to hug a relation I coped better than if someone came and caught me unawares.  I eventually managed to tell the family and so we all LEARNT that I initiate hugs.

You could say I’m just playing with words or gestures but I’d rather say I’m LEARNING what are the most effective ways for me to manage my life.

       7          CONSOLIDATE

I have met people who are fascinated by their illness, love talking about it and frankly enjoy it.  Yet they never seem to put into place the changes they recognise they need.  You could say accuse me of navel gazing but I say I analyse to improve.  What I might discover whilst doing one task might be equally applicable to another.   Understanding what I find difficult in a given situation has allowed me to understand the impact of acquired brain injury.

CONSOLIDATING is not the end of the process.  As I’ve learnt new things and taken on different challenges I’ve found it hard to allocate mental energy or handle the extra demands I want to take on.  However because I have CONSOLIDATED what I have learnt I know that by referring back to my 7 Steps I usually find a way to incorporate these into my life or indeed as a result of my ACCEPTANCE, UNDERSTANDING, COMPREHENSION, GRIEVING, LEARNING AND CONSOLIDATION that I have to stop doing this task to maintain what has already been achieved.  I may not enjoy having to stop actually I hate it but I know I have not lost control because I am choosing to recognise what I can’t do. 

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